Noise

It's not hard to find.
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If you go looking for distractions, you can find them. Interesting stories and pictures, new and exciting music and art, horrifying examples of people treating each other poorly, heartwarming stories of charity and giving, and a WHOLE SECTION of the internet devoted to cat pictures.

If you're looking for contention, you can find it. I sometimes wonder if people go on the internet specifically to sound unintelligent. I sometimes wonder if internet users hunt specifically for the most inappropriate places to type off-hand denouncements and insults about the sincere beliefs and opinions of others. Although I don't enjoy doing so for fear it might be true, I've contemplated the possibility that I'm the only person in the entire world that genuinely feels disappointed in myself when I tease someone on Facebook or in a chat room... and they think I'm being mean or cruel. Seriously, there's no way to even apologize for it - it's that perceived tone of sarcasm that's hard to wipe away. To the point that I almost always add on a :D or a :P or even a XD just to make it clear that I'm joking or being facetious. At the same time, I just can't understand people who troll others under controversial online news stories, Youtube video comment sections, and reddit forums just for fun. Can someone show me how that's fun and uplifting? Please? I'm genuinely interested.

If you're looking for opposition to your worldview, you can find it. Especially mine. Hoo boy, I'm a single overly-sensitive white heterosexual Christian (LDS!) male manchild living in the saccharine-sweet valley of Utah County. According to the internet, I am everything wrong with the world today (except perhaps the manchild part, and maybe the part where I'm single).

At least I don't have kids! Could you imagine the kinds of things I'd teach to make kindness a habit instead of an action, not judging people based not on the color of their skin but the content of their character, and listening instead of shouting? Not controversial enough? I might teach them that men and women are different and equal, each designed for different roles but made for each other, and that no amount of choice can change your biologically assigned role. Bigot! I might teach them that choices have consequences, many of which they will not see in this life. Religious nut-case! I might teach them that sex might feel good, but its purpose is to create life, and should only be done between a husband and wife who are married. I might teach them that while it's a shame that dentists poach lions, it's more of a shame that unborn children aren't even given a chance to experience life and progress towards eternity (and that those children deserve life far more than all the scientific research their stem cells would provide, but that's for when they get older). What a right-wing hack!

I might actually teach them that some things in life don't change. That some things that seem unfair shouldn't change simply because it hurts their feelings. That a lot of easy opportunities modern life offers without hesitation need to be acknowledged but passed by. That people can't be forced to change. That even they can't force themselves to change without great effort. That change for change's sake isn't always the best thing, or even a good thing, no matter where your life is now. That some answers really do stare at you in the face and wait for you to take a calm step back to see them properly. That family (and those that grow close enough to be family) are the only ones you should trust with your life.

I might even teach them superstitious things about a man called Jesus who was more than a man, who blessed the downtrodden, healed the sick, and raised the dead. That He personally experienced our mistakes, died for our sins, but lives even now, attempting to guide every soul under Creation towards real happiness and joy.

That life is more than sorrow and shame, outrage and slander. That life is more than a Facebook news feed. That for all the noise in the world that continues to grow louder, there's still a small voice that speaks nothing but truth and peace.

Of all the things I could teach a child, that's the one I now struggle with most.

In case it's hard to tell, I write these things like this when I'm in a very humorless mood. Depression strikes, and I write. Worse, when depression really strikes, I actually seek for distraction online. As if the white noise of the unfiltered internet could put my mind at ease. Now THERE'S a joke: trying to find peace on the internet! That's like herding cats while trying to take clear pictures of the fluffy little things with a flip-phone!

Actually, to be fair, it is possible to find peace on the internet. You just have to be willing to seek it, and even more willing to be peaceful. Unfortunately, humility seems to be in short supply these days, especially on the short-end of the keyboard. And as much as I want to lend my own eager voice to the mind-numbing noise of our digital society just to appease my own hubris (what else is an online journal like this, after all), I'll just use this comfy corner of the interwebs to help me cope. For blabbering. Thought-kicking. Noiselessly shouting into a binary void, which is and ever remains devoid of sympathy or care. Adding my own noise like the slight spark-cackle of electric-current feedback through a second-hand speaker some twelve-year old from Santa Barbara picked up at a Goodwill.

You don't mind, do you?